beastmstr

I want everyone to know that I argued with Mike about the blurb for this review. See, we always put
the title, director, lead actors, year of production and production company off to the side of every
review. It’s instructive and helps keep our visitors informed about what their reading (or so I’ve been
told by my colleagues). Anywho, Mike asked me to review “The Beastmaster” or, as it is more
lovingly called by its fans, Beastmaster. Or, in the German, “Der Befreier.”

Well, I was stoked cause this movie is great, but then my elder sibling and I ran into an impasse. I
wanted the blurb to say only two things:

The Beastmaster

Starring Dar!!!

Yeah! I mean, yeah!!! Dar! He’s the stuff!

And then Mike told me that I had to put starring Marc Singer……………Marc Singer? Whu-whu-
wha? Who’s that dude? I mean, he says, “I am Dar.” about ninety times during the movie. Where’s
the confusion?

Anyways.

This film is another prime example of why the Eighties were so great. You could get some seriously
creative stuff made back then and a lot of great fantasy movies were released during this uber-
decade. “Dark Crystal.” “Labyrinth.” “Ladyhawke.” “Willow.” Quality stuff. Sure, there were some
stinkers, like “Beastmaster”’s bastard brother “Deathstalker” whose so lame he can’t even get a cult
following, but for the most part there was a lot of originality. “Beastmaster” is among the best.

A clan of noble barbarians is all but destroyed by a mysterious band of black clad warriors. The
only survivor is a young man with the unique ability to “communicate with” (also known as “control”)
animals. He is Dar. Aided by his “loyal” (also known as “enslaved”) animal “companions” (also
known as “indentured servants”), Dar must find those responsible for his tribes’ destruction and get
REVENGE (take that you Sith nancies!).

Dar discovers that an evil, human sacrificing sorcerer named Maax, pronounced May-Ax, ordered
his village’s demise. So he finds himself a hot scantily clad wench, a large scantily clad black man
and a pale scantily clad boy (shudder) and sets off to get some vengeance on Maax. Don’t worry
about all the half naked compadres, Dar wears less than any of them, which is why he’s the leader.
Between his nudist human friends, his panther, his falcon and his ferrets (yes, he has ferrets) Dar
whoops some serious evil wizard and his army of psychotic gimps' asses! And, oh yeah, he is
helped by a group of skin-dissolving ninja birdmen.

I think I’ve said all I need to.

I am not Dar. But boy howdy do I wish I were!